“Now that you’re all settled, I’m going home! I heard William’s voice, I hadn’t even noticed he was here, but of course he would be. He’s my dad’s best friend. They are practically brothers and are inseparable.
“I’m making dinner tonight,” my dad said. “I hope you’ll come!” He held out his hand for Williams to shake.
William nodded and didn’t even look at me as he left my house. I stared at the door for a brief moment, but then shook my head and turned to my parents.
“So…. tell me! How was the trip?” I asked curiously, eager to hear the details.
“It was wonderfull Las Vegas is perfect for having fun,” my mother said excitedly.
“We got married again!” my father said, showing a new ring
“God forbid, in’t it enough to tie the knot once? You two went and tied it again? Brian remarked.
“Stop being an idioti slapped his head. “You two look beautiful together. The most lovely and perfect couple in New York,” I hugged them.
“You two are incorrigible, my father said, shaking his head.
“I’m going upstairs,” my mother said. “Care to join me, dear?” she asked,
I wanted to refuse. I know she’s eager to ask questions I don’t want to answer.
“Sure,”
1 forced a smile.
My mother hugged me sideways, and we went upstairs to her room. She locked the door and threw herself onto the bed, looking at me anxiously. I crossed my arms, waiting for her to say something.
“Sit and tell me everything!” she requested.
Tell you what?” I asked, sitting in front of her.
“How were these days?” she asked.
“Well, I guess,” I said, forcing a smile
“Why did you want to come home eller?” she asked.
I swallowed hard. I can’t lie, and my muther knows me so well that it feels like she’s reading me entirely.
“No special reason,” I lied. “I just wanted to be home,”
‘Brian told me you were getting involved with someone…”
“T’es not anymore,” I quickly said,
“Oh,” she said, looking at me with pity. “Are you okay with that?” she asked.
“Not really,” I said in a choked voice. “Let’s just say I w
was starting to like h
him.”
“My dear,” she said, holding my hand. Sometimes it’s not meant to be, right? You’re young, you have a lot to learn in life, and you’ll meet new people.”
I nodded, wiping away a solitary bear,
“Did you like him?” my mother asked, surprised, I nodded. “Wow, I was away for two weeks, and you were already in love.”
These things happen, Mom. We don’t choose… because if I could choose, I would never have fallen in love with hir
“You’re right!” she agreed.
“I didn’t want to fall in love with him. I always kept my heart tightly closed and threw the key far away, I wore armor that no one could penetrate. Furthermore, I didn’t let anyone get close to me; I didn’t make space in my heart for anyone because it was so well–guarded. I didn’t want to suffer for someone, because loving without suffering isn’t love, right? But suffering all the time–that’s just masochistic. Giving love to someone and not having it returned is painful. So I decided to shut myself off from the world, and especially from people. Because it’s not love that causes the pain, it comes from people.
Love is just a feeling. And I knew that when I closed my heart because nobody knew how to value my love. I had never suffered for love, but I saw my friends crying over unresolved love, and that was enough to keep anyone from invading my heart and ruining what was left of it. Until he came along, and everything changed. Everything. He entered my life, but I didn’t think I’d fall in love with him because I had closed myself off and wanted to resist. I didn’t want to get involved like that and see everything go wrong.
Because in the end, I knew it would be like that. I didn’t want to fall in love because I knew our relationship wouldn’t have a future, there were so many barriers. That was my fear of falling in love with him. But, it was inevitable. Before I knew it, I let him in. Gradually, he made me smile as no one else had before. He was different from everyone, and that’s what I wanted to believe—that he wouldn’t be just another someone in my life. He made me feel good, took care of me like no one ever had, and said the words I needed to hear. And even if I denied it, I had already fallen in love. I could deny a million times that he meant nothing to me, but who was I fooling? It was of no use.
My eyes already betrayed that I was in love with him. He came into my life, like many people before him, but he had something different. He was different from everyone else. I could want other people and try to find someone who didn’t remind me of him, but that’s impossible. He’s irreplaceable. And damn, it was the one thing that couldn’t have happened, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him.
But who wouldn’t? He, with his way of captivating me, had me without even saying a word, making me smile just because he was smiling too, taking such good care of me. How could I not fall in love? His words were so sweet, they made me smile. When night came, I lay in bed and stared into nothingness, just thinking about how much I led him. I thought about so many things. How I wanted to be with him. Only by his side. I thought that by closing myself off, I wouldn’t suffer. 1 thought I could avoid getting involved with anyone and not fall in love with him, but he didn’t help either! And when I realized it, he already had his place in me,” poured it out amidst tears.
“Don’t blame yourself, my daughter. Don’t blame yourself for falling in love. Sooner or later, it would have happened. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out this time. But maybe it still could. Maybe you both need to learn more about each other. A relationship is like that, you know? You need to learn to live with each other’s qualities and flows. And vice versa. My mother said this, comforting me
I nodded, wiping wway the tears.
“Now tell me, who is he? She asked curiously.
“You don’t know him, I lied, getting up from the bed.
“Show me a picture,” she requested.
in love
