112 I Am Not Him
Hades
Ellen was not asleep when I returned to our bedroom. No, she was sitting on the bed, her hands folded on her lap. When I stepped in, she got up.
“Welcome back,” she muttered. Her voice was neither monotone nor cold.
I froze in my steps, looking her over. She worried her bottom lip, her eyes straying every once in a while. She was dressed in a pale blue nightdress that contrasted with the wild, wavy red of her hair.
“You are not asleep, I muttered. Then my stomach clenched. “What did she do this. time?” I demanded, but when she flinched, I stopped myself. “Ellen…”
Ellen shook her head, putting her good hand in front of her. “She did not do anything, I promise.”
I raised a brow. “What is the matter?”
Finally, her eyes stayed steady on mine, and she walked forward. “I wanted to apologize for hiding the fact that I was hurt from you and hiding what happened.”
My brows could have disappeared into my hairline. Suddenly, it dawned on me. “Just because you apologize does not mean that I will tell you what you want to know,” I told her, my voice icy.
She tilted her head, confusion taking over her face, before her brows rose in realization. “No, no, it has nothing to do with that. I am not apologizing just because I want you to tell me… that… well, whatever that was.”
I tried to remain hard, but her expression was open and genuine.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, then it’s fine. I have no right to pry. And just because 1 apologize does not mean that I expect something in return. It is not some trade by barter,” she finished softly. Her gaze wavered, but she kept her chin high. “I’m apologizing because I was wrong to hide it from you. I was wrong to think I could handle it alone.” She let out a shaky breath, her fingers nervously twisting the hem of her nightdress. “I should have trusted my instincts instead of trying to justify some sense of loyalty, especially if it was at my expense. You were right. I was being foolish.”
I looked down at her as if she was growing a second head. What the hell was this woman? She had been ready to fight me just this morning to protect her help, and now she was sounding so reasonable that I could have sworn it was someone else standing
Ellen did not back down from my scrutiny. Her eyes were steady, though I could see the flicker of nervousness beneath her carefully constructed exterior. She was trying and I
hated how much it affected me.
“You think I was right?” I echoed, my voice laced with disbelief. I never thought that I would see the day. My fiery wife agreed with me.
I studied her for a long moment, the tension in her small frame refusing to ease. It was not the apology that had taken me off guard; it was the vulnerability that she let peek. through. This time, she did not conceal it with harsh words and a sharp tongue. Instead, she stood there unarmed and exposed before me, and it made something deep and uncomfortable stir within me.
“I am not used to this,” I uttered truthfully.
“Used to what?” she asked, seemingly genuinely curious.
“To you agreeing with me.” I never would.
She flashed me one of those rare warm smiles that only Jules or Kael were worthy of. “Kael told me–” her smile faded, panic filling her expression, but it was too late. She could not take it back. She had already let it slip.
Suddenly, I was snapped back to reality. Of course, Kael had convinced her. It had not been me. It was never me. I should have known when she agreed with me that it was too good to be true. It was Kael who had been able to reach her, not me.
A burning sensation crept into my veins, and I knew that I had been triggered. I could feel my fangs elongating in my mouth, and I gritted my teeth. I tried to walk away, but of course, she grabbed me.
“Hades, it’s not what you think. Kael just explained to me—”
My head snapped to her. “He explained to you in a way that I could not because you don’t trust me enough to listen,” I finished bitterly. My voice came out sharper than I intended, but I didn’t care. The sting
claws betrayal or maybe it was inadequacy ripped
through me, and my claws threatened to burst from my fingertips, I did not need to look at them to know that they were turning black.
Ellen flinched at my words, her grip on my arm loosening, but she didn’t let go. “That’s not true, Hades,” she said firmly, though her voice trembled. “I want to trust you. 1- She hesitated, her turquoise eyes searching mine. “I just… needed to hear it from someone else. Someone who wasn’t… you.”
Her words were honest but felt like a slap to the face. I tore my arm free from her grasp and stepped back, trying to get a hold of myself. The beast inside me clawed at the
112 | Am Not Him
before she got hurt.
“Why?” I asked, my voice low and dangerous. “Why couldn’t you trust me? Why did it have to be him?”
Her lips parted, but no sound came out at first. She seemed to be struggling, caught between the truth and her fear of how I’d take it. Finally, she spoke, her words quiet but piercing.
“Because with you, it feels like I can’t afford to be wrong,” she admitted, her gaze
dropping to the floor. “With Kael, I can make mistakes and not feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. With you… I can’t.”
“Why?” But it came off as a growl. It was not even me–it was the contamination taking
over. 2
But she could say nothing. It was all the answer I needed. I had bared my soul to her in that room,
but it had done nothing to sway her. I wondered what Kael could have said to make her listen. Or was it simply because he was not me? Did she…
I stopped in my tracks when an arm wrapped around me, a head resting on my chest, as Ellen trapped me in a fierce embrace that made my
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