Chapter 15
“Are you aware of their location?” Liam tried to avoid seeming desperate as I asked.
She gave a headshake. “I apologize. They didn’t say
With the hope Liam had felt minutes before fading he thanked her and made his way back to his
cal.
It was dark when he got back home. Liam spent a considerable amount of time sitting in the car, gazing up at the apartment’s windows.
She had left.
Not only from his life, but also from the people and places that united them. It seemed as though she had never been here at all because she had completely erased herself
With the burden of his failure bearing down on him Liam rested his head against the steering
wheel.
His phone then buzzed, as though the cosmos wasn’t done making fun of him.
Liam caught his breath when he looked at the screen.
The number was unidentified.
“Stop trying to find her. It’s finished.”
Liam got a shiver at the message.
They were watching, whomever it was.
Liam didn’t know as much as they did.
I stood by the window, gazing out at the busy street below, and the apartment was silent. The boxes I hadn’t yet unpacked were softly illuminated by the morning light that came in through the curtains. It felt like time had folded in on itself, even though it had been almost a month since I had parted ways with Liam.
I had grown accustomed to this new city’s cadence and the steady hum of activity that goes on outside the window. The calm area where Liam and I had lived, where everything appeared to move at half–speed, was not like this. Even though no one knew my identity, I was a part of something greater here.
1 put my hands around the coffee mug I had been nursing and allowed the warmth to permeate my body. The seclusion had a certain comfort. I was no longer living in someone else’s shadow for the first time in years.
I was most struck by that revelation when I resumed writing.
It wasn’t deliberate. I found myself reaching for the notebook I kept on my desk one evening after
yet another exhausting workday. The tiny grooves from years of use were familiar and grounding
as my fingers moved over the cover’s edges.
When I opened it, the lines stretched out like an invitation on a blank paper. The words came slowly at first, timid, hesitant. However, it was as if a dam had cracked once I got going.
The pen flowed across the paper, releasing ideas I wasn’t even aware I was suppressing I wrote about the freedom I’d discovered in beginning again, the guilt that had accompanied me, and my anxiety of leaving.
The paper was full and my hand hurt by the time I put the pen down.
I started to observe further minor changes in myself as the days went by.
I began rising earlier in order to enjoy the peaceful minutes before the city came to life. Instead of taking the metro, I chose to walk to work, allowing the fresh air to awaken me as I passed cafés and storefronts.
I also started saying no for the first time in years–to invitations I didn’t want to accept, to obligations that weren’t mine, and to the voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough..
Unlearning the behaviors I had developed while living with Liam was a gradual process. But I felt a little lighter after each little act of resistance.
I had a glass of wine and sat on the couch one evening after completing a long–overdue grocery run, looking through old pictures on my phone.
Vacations, dinners, and leisurely afternoons spent at home were all associated with Liam. As if deleting the pictures would somehow erase the person I once was, I struggled for a while to get myself to do it.
However, as I examined each picture, I came to a realization.
I no longer resembled the woman in those pictures
Yes, she appeared content, but her contentment was dependent on him. Her world revolved around him, she laughed with him, she smiled for him.
And I no longer wanted to be that person.
With calm fingers and a constricted chest, I began erasing the pictures one by one. The gallery was deserted by the time I was done, and I experienced an odd sensation of relief.
I became more focused at work. During a team meeting, my manager drew me aside after she began to see the extra effort I was making.
Chap 15
“You’ve been doing amazing work lately,” she replied with a warm smile. “Your concern for what we do here is evident.”
I was surprised by what she said. Being viewed that way was not something I was accustomed to, particularly not outside of my connection with Liam.
“I’m grateful,” I said quietly.
“Nora, you have potential,” she added “Never listen to someone who tells you otherwise.”
Long after the meeting was over, I continued to think about what she had said.
Even though I was getting better, Liam’s shadow persisted.
I would occasionally lie awake wondering what he was doing, whether he was considering me, or
whether he felt bad about what he had done.
I just wanted to go on, but the inquiries seemed like a burden, dragging me back in time.
I took out the notebook I had been writing in and turned to a new page one especially sleepless
night.
I wrote about the future this time..
I wrote about the locations I wanted to visit, the activities I wanted to accomplish, and the person I
wanted to become.
And I wasn’t afraid of the future for the first time.
As I made my way home from the office, the rain fell in heavy sheets, and the sound of the water. hitting the pavement muffled the sounds of the city. I was barely kept dry by my umbrella, but I didn’t mind. The rain’s calming beat matched the odd sensation of peace I’d experienced since parting ways with Liam
