examine my skull, followed him home.
Dinner was on the table: salmon, spicy crab,
shrimp scampi. Mom remembered Jason’s
favorite foods, but never that I was allergic to
shellfish.
Once, Dad had asked why I wasn’t eating. For
a moment, I thought he cared. I’d taken a
deep breath and said, “Dad, I’m allergic to
shellfish…”
Mom had slammed her chopsticks down.
“How dare you be so ungrateful?! I slave over a hot stove for you, and you complain?!”
I’d looked at Dad, my childhood hero, the one
who always defended me against Mom’s
wrath. He’d just put a large piece of crab on
my plate ” lust pat Ashley Don’t upset your
<
my plate. “Just eat, Ashley. Don’t upset your
mother.”
Trapped by their gazes, I’d eaten it all.
Later that night, my throat had closed up. My
eyes swelled shut. My skin itched and burned.
““Help…me…“” My voice was a strangled
whisper. I stumbled towards the door, but it
was locked. Panic seized me. I banged on the
door, screaming. “Help! Mom! Dad! Please! I
don’t want to die!”
I heard Mom’s voice from the living room.
“It’s just an allergy! She’ll be fine! Good thing
I locked the door. Little drama queen. Jason
came to me in a dream last night. He wants
the new Playstation. Come on, John, before
the mall closes.”
L
No! Don’t leave me! I don’t want to die!
Please!
The front door slammed shut. I was alone.
Maybe death would be a relief.
I curled up in a corner, waiting to die. I heard
a father and daughter laughing downstairs.
“You silly girl! You know you’re allergic to
peanuts! You almost died!”
“I’m sorry, Daddy! Don’t tell Mom!”
“She already knows. She threw her back out
worrying about you, cooking all your favorite
foods. She’s just glad you’re okay. A parent
can’t stay mad at their child forever.
く
can’t stay mad at their child forever.”
I felt like a cockroach, a creature of the
shadows, envying their happiness, their love.
Ashamed. Invisible. I wanted that. I wanted
them to care if I was allergic to something, to
cook my favorite foods, to fuss over me. But I
was the monster who killed their son. I didn’t
deserve love.
Mom…Dad…I didn’t want to die. I really didn’t
want to die…
I didn’t die that night. I jumped out the
window. Someone found me and called 911.
The doctor said I was lucky to be alive.
The woman in the next bed peeled an orange
for her daughter. ““Your parents must be so
relieved,“” she said.
