Chapter 93
Sihana’s POV
72%
+6 Pearls
im not a good man- you know I deal with bloodlust Do you think I can be a father?” He questioned
- me.
“Do you want to be a good father?” I shot back. “And don’t lie thinking it’s what I want to hear.”
“There’s no reason for me to lie,” he deadpanned. “I never wanted kids because I didn’t want to leave anything of me behind but then you got pregnant and I’ve been thinking. Yes, I want to be a good father. Your baby deserves a good father.” I pursed my lips.
“This isn’t about me, Cahir. It’s OUR baby, not just mine. Yes, my baby deserves a good father but do you want to be a good father for them?” I almost snapped but I held myself.
My emotions were all over the place but there were too many words that I wanted to get out and I didn’t want to risk losing my cool and ending this conversation with an argument.
“I – Yeah,” he said but there was little conviction in his tone.
“You know, I’ve been thinking and that’s why I’m still up by this time,” I confessed. “My father lost his mate because of me and he never let me forget. If If something happened to me –
“Sihana Asena,” he growled my name, grabbing my hand as if I was slipping away and he wanted to hold on to me. “Don’t,” he warned but I didn’t relent.
“If anything happened to me, can I trust you with this child?” I asked.
“Nothing is happening to you,” he snapped.
“Calm down.” I held his hands as I felt him slip, I needed him to be right here with me for this conversation, not angry, not tired, but right here in the moment. “This is just a hypothesis, Cahir. Things happen without one planning them,” I muttered.
Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to talk about dying during childbirth and it wasn’t as if I thought I was go to die, but I needed some things cleared tonight.
“Life happens. I don’t plan or pray to die but if you lost me while birthing this child, will you treat them the way my father treated me?” My heart pounded as I asked the question.
Cahir had the power to be worse than my father- to hurt my child worse than my father could ever hurt.
- me.
‘He doesn’t tolerate things he doesn’t like. Aristo’s words came back to make me shiver.
He wouldn’t–abuse a child but what if he was nonchalant about the said child the same way he was displeased with the pregnancy?
–
“I–I can’t “For the first time since knowing him, I heard panic choke his words. “I don’t want to think of losing you.” He spat out.
“Okay,” I agreed. “You won’t lose me.” He really looked Eke he hated even the thought of it.
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Chapter 93
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well versed in ripping out a man’s heart, I can fall a dozen men without breaking a sweat, slit a throat without batting a lash but this – this is all new.” He hugged my waist. “When you talk about – leaving for whatever reason, I get this weird sensation in my chest it tightens to the point of pain and it’s unbearable.”
‘s–Its because you love me,” I muttered with flamed cheeks.
“And you?” He raised his head from snuggling into me Do you love me yet?” He was so sure I would love him. Cocky bastard.
“I–I don’t” My feelings these days were distorted. “I – I don’t –” My feelings th
“Don’t answer that.” He pressed a finger to my lips. “I won’t ask again but I expect you to tell me when you get there. His eyes twinkled with an unknown emotion and his lips pulled up in a ghost of a smile.
“Cahir-“I muttered, embarrassed.
my
“The way you say my name “He buried his face in my thighs again. “I love you, Sihana Asena. It’s a new, confusing emotion and I don’t know what to do with it. The more I try to make sense of it, the more confusing it gets. I’ve never felt anything as consuming as this and when I feel no, I know that reaction to the baby disappoints you so I try to hide my face. I don’t want you to be hurt. It hurts me to see how you deflate when you can’t get me excited for the baby. I want to be excited. I try but I He broke off with a sigh.
“You’re scared you won’t be a good father,” I finished for him and he hummed. “I’m scared too, I admitted. “No one there’s no mother figure in my life. I don’t know how to be a mother. The only thing! know about babies is what we were taught in biology and I know I need to learn. I’m scared of failing, dead terrified of having my child turn out like me
“What’s wrong with you?” Cahir cut me off. “You’re perfect. If – When we have a child, I want them to be like you.”
“No, it’ll be better if they’re like you.” I ran my hand through his hair. “I’m weak and I can be stupid. Every time I smell a confrontation, I try to run and hide from it but you – you’re a born leader. I want our baby to have your confidence, your strength and your aura. People like me get torn up by others and I don want my child to be hurt by others because they’re like me and can’t stand up for themselves.
“Who would dare bully an Armani?” He snarled. A chill skittered down my spine. “No one in titis w the next would dare hurt our child.” A chilling ferocity hardened his voice. “I’d first kill them
“Ahem.” I cleared my throat before he got murderous. “Let’s not talk about terrible things around the baby.”
“Oh, sorry.” He looked at my stomach. “It’s just – The baby should be like you, not me. I’m an arrogant ass – unpleasant person and you’re beautiful, calm, loving and kind.”
“Alright. Let him be half like me and half like you,” I agreed with a laugh. This was the first time we ever held a conversation about our child.
“Him? Do you know the sex already?” His eyes widened
“N- No. I just said that.” My skin heated at my little ship. In truth, I wanted a boy. There wasn’t any reason I wanted a boy but I wanted this baby to be a boy. “Do you not want a boy?” I asked slowly then he frowned.
“I–I don’t know but for some reason, I’ve always thought of the child as a girl that looks just like you.” I
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Chapter 93
snorted.
So you’ve been thinking about the baby?” I thought he
his mind.
es.” His tone was quiet. “I’ve been reading some book determined.” He pressed his face into my stomach. “I d of shit worse than your father but I want to try. I barely man. My hands are coated in blood and a child born fr want to try.” He took a good breath.
“I want to be a good father to our baby.”
